My 6-year-old broke my heart last night when I was preparing to read their nightly Bible story.
I have been in a lot of pain this past week from baby adjusting and moving down inside me preparing to make his grand entrance into the world.
Therefore, I have been distant and preoccupied with trying to get things done around my house so my husband and I are not scrambling and stressing later.
As I sat on the edge of my 3-year-old’s bed (they share a room and have bunk beds), I spoke to my boys about how I’ve been feeling and trying to help them mentally prepare for the new baby as well.
They each sat on either side of me. My youngest (for a little longer) just sat and listened.
My oldest and I talked about how things would be complicated at first and we would all have to make new adjustments.
He voiced his concern about about changing from a family of four to a family of five, “I want there to be four of us still”.
Me too, but only because I am 36 weeks along in this pregnancy and want this little guy to make it full term before joining us on the outside.
But, I settled for telling my 6-year-old that when the baby is ready to come, there is really no stopping him now.
And then he said these words…
“But then you’ll spend more time with him than us”.
That stopped me in my tracks.
I tried to rack my brain and come up with a spectacular answer for him… but came up empty-handed.
I took a deep breath and replied, “Yes, but no”.
I tried to explain to my first born that me spending time with the new baby was important when it came to feeding and caring for him.
I reassured him that I love him and I will still love him when the new baby comes.
Fighting back tears, I read my boys their Bible story, said their prayers with them, tucked them in, and quickly retreated back to the living room.
I recounted the conversation that just transpired to my husband, who pulled me to his lap and just let me sit and process the conversation.
He reassured me that it’ll work out and we all will have some adjusting to do.
Nothing else has been said from either of the boys, but it still bothers me that this is a real possibility.
I have made a mental note to keep myself in check when the new baby does arrive and make it a point to spend some extra quality time with each of my older boys.
I have challenged myself to stay accountable and give each of my boys the time and attention they need from me.