Jaileigh Speaks

Marriage and Family Matters

#6 Learn from the Past, Love in the Present, Live for the Future

Learn from the Past

Whatever happened in the past needs to be forgiven and forgotten. If you want to have a great marriage, forgiveness is a MUST.

Holding a grudge is only going to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Any disagreements you have had in the past or even ongoing, let them go! How you responded to conflict or unexpected events helps you learn what not to do if there is a next time.

I remember a time when Joel and I would disagree on something and we would argue back and forth until he said the last words about it. He always had to be right. He made me cry once because he just wouldn’t let something go and he thought he knew all about it. He felt horrible for making me cry because he thought he had to be right.

He learned that he does not always have to have the last word in an argument. He also learned that I am just as stubborn as he is.

Learning is an ongoing process and should never ever stop.

Remember that scene in Disney’s “The Lion King” when Rafiki is talking to Simba as an adult?  Simba had just gotten done speaking with his father’s spirit and his father had told him to, “Remember who you are”. Anyway, I love what Rafiki says the last few seconds of the clip, “Ah, yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it”.

My prayer is that you have learned from the past so you can move forward and love in the present.

Love in the Present

Are you loving your spouse as they are now or do you cling to what they were like when you were dating or engaged?

Reality check… we change over time.

It happens whether we notice it or not. Positive and negative change happens, but we must adapt and roll with it. As you change, your spouse sometimes follows your change.

Remembering that you live in the present is a concept that a lot of people overlook. Remember that you chose your spouse to live your life with them.

You are in this for the long haul.

Your love is part of what will see you through even the darkest of times.

Remember that having God in the center of your marriage will help strengthen that love you share.

I have been told that a death in the family can either make or break a marriage.

In 2011, Joel’s grandfather passed away at the end of January.

Later on, in July, my father won his battle with cancer and went to Heaven.

2 deaths of very important men in our lives left us shaken up.

We had had our first child the year before and he was only 6 months old when Joel’s grandfather passed away and 11 months old when my father passed away.

We had our fair share of anger and sorrow. Our first born would never fully know his great grandfather or his only biological grandfather. Our second and third children would never even meet them.

This was a trying time and a very stressful year for us.

I had a miscarriage a few months after my father passed away and that opened more wounds.

BUT God is good!

We have grown so much closer by remembering that we are not alone and that we have God and each other to lean on.

At that time, we needed to live in the present. We had a one year old that needed our full attention. We needed to get back on track together and get right with God. We did and it was so worth it!

Live for the Future

Look to the future. There is so much to look forward to in marriage.

As you celebrate years and years of being together, you look forward to what the future holds. You start to dream about what it may be like if you start chasing your dreams together.

Life is a precious gift.

Life while married to someone is another precious gift that we sometimes take for granted.

The best thing that you can do is be present.

Look to the future together and dream big.

Life sometimes seems like it gets away from us, live for the moments today, don’t wait!

If you have some things you feel you need to work on in your marriage, go for it!

Doing life with someone else is an adventure- one that I highly recommend.

Are you living for the future? Pay attention and see if you are.

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